Tuesday, October 31, 2017

not in happy mood

I have been thinking about my emotions lately

I think I have turned into a not so happy person. I don't remember when was the last time I felt really happy.

Maybe it is the feminism thingy. The "I have the right to.." which brings me away from being someone who gives everything all the time to someone who demands. I don't know.

I know I have my support system around me but truth is, they have their own expectations on me. Cos I am the mommy


Khadijah ra must be the happiest woman.  a successful businesswoman,  had her own business. married the Prophet and had kids. She must be busier than ever but I don't remember reading any narration about her not being happy. How did she cope with that? did she have her own servant? was the Prophet sharing her burden?I remember the story about Fatimah ra who came to the Prophet telling him about how tired she was managing her household affairs. This issue had been there forever. And I really do not know how they managed. Do the sirah tell us how these women managed? I need to read more.

But I have not even finish my assgmt readings. (see? still stressed and worried)

Maybe this is the time when my imaan is at the lowest.

Source: google

Friday, September 29, 2017

To remind the heart and not the mind

I've been longing to blog
But over the past year, every time I wanted to write and publish, I would ask myself "why am I writing this?Why do I need to tell people this?"
I was kinda having my own internal conflict
plus there were so many stories last year about the pedophiles and the viral story about the chat groups that share pictures of small children among them that it made me scared

So..why am i writing here again?

Because..I recently made a self reflection and listed some of the reasons why I wanted to write at first:

1. Peer pressure (blogging was really popular back then and somebody suggested that I do it)
2. To earn extra income from Nuffnang (that somebody told me about this too) but hahahahahah clearly am not getting anything so far
3. I want to polish my writing skills (this is true)
4. I want to share. Somehow some people found my blog and email me personally how my writings /personal experience relate to them and some of them benefited from my review about something so it made me feel good

So I have decided that I wanna write again based on the last 2 reasons

As a start to many more writings after this (insyaa Allah) allow me to share something that I heard from a famous American speaker:

When you hear some advice that you have heard many times before and your mind tells you " I know about this already", tell your ego self that it's not your mind that needs to be reminded, but it's your heart

googled image

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Post birth story

Dr. Seri puts the baby on my chest and I couldn't feel prouder. I just gave birth to a perfectly healthy and fine baby boy..without any pain relief

I held his hands and touched his face while Dr. Seri stitching me down there
God.. I can feel the stitches coming back and forth..

I don't feel like doing this again -__-

Thursday, May 19, 2016

the birth story

It's my 36 day of pantang today and here is the birth story for my kids' reference in the future
(read: always listen to your mom ok giving birth was not easy)

On the 12th April we went to see Dr. Seri for my 38-week check up, anticipating some certainty

"Hi nadzirah, i was waiting for you since the day you informed me about the bleeding tapi takde dtg2 pun"
"tulah doc..i thought losing the mucus plug would mean I'd be experiencing labor right away but no..there were contractions here and there but nothing happened"
"hmm..baby tak nak  keluar lagi la tu!!"
then she scanned and checked my belly for baby's position
"he's actually getting down there..i would say that he is at 2/5 position. it could mean hours or few days away from labor..we don't know for sure.. so we'll see you next week for your 39-week check up..unless..I don't know what daddy is going to do to mommy tonight.." she chuckled
"ohh..i thought you are going to poke me or something to get the labor moving..just like you did during Suphie" I said rather innocently
"oh no..we don't do that kind of intervention dear..unless you request for it but then again..you can do it yourself la!" she laughed while looking at hubs.
"and do lots of walking nadzirah"
"okay doc"

So we got back from PCMC realising that it is not within our power and that everything is within His will.. and since I need to do a lot of walking..we went to the new IKEA in Cheras, just 3 minutes away from PCMC. Had our meatball lunch there, did some shopping for house deco (read: fake plants) and went back home. I can gladly say that I did A LOT of walking ^-^ with contractions coming and dissapearing

And then come night time

After putting the kids to sleep, had a small chit chat with hubs and he went down to watch football
and then I was having a "heart to heart" session with Allah, telling Him that I'm worried about my coming Masters programme and going to QA and the timeline if I'm going to deliver the baby at a later date..I also prayed to Him that He would show me some clear signs..and few minutes later hubs came and slept next to me..and next thing I know I was feeling mild contraction and kind of leaking sensation..but I brushed that feeling away thinking that it is another false alarm..still, the optimistic side of me started reciting ya Fattah continuously..until..

My amniotic water..erm..spurt.
It was a  forceful, unstoppable stream.
*thank you Allah

"By, my water broke!!"
"my water bag broke!what time is it now?"
"can you check the mattress?banyak keluar ni.."
and he turned on the light and yupp..the bed is drenched with my water"
and the water kept on spurting out

I changed my attire while hubs took a bath and got ready to send the kids to my mom's place in Putrajaya
Got out from house around 1am, called PCMC informing my condition, arrived at my mom's place at 1.15am, dropped the kids and hubs sped to PCMC
Arrived PCMC at 1.40am
Wheeled to labour room, contractions were 10 minutes apart, nurse did VE informing that I'm 3 to 4 cm dilated
She anticipated that with current progress I'll be giving birth around 7 am
She also asked questions on mom and dad's medical history (diabetic, hypertension) and what kind of pain relief I would choose. I knew I didn't want epidural so I chose the gas

Why not the epidural? because the pain of the epidural process.
Refer to Suphie birth story in Dec 2013

Then nurse asked me and hubs to get some rest/sleep (which of course I didn't get)
Had the zikir munajat played on my phone with 3 in 1 nestum and jus kurma in between
This time around I told hubs that I don't want to see the numbers on the CTG machine (it tells you how strong the contraction is) because be it high or low I wanted to be in total control

Warm shower at 5 am - checked.

VE at 6.40 am - 5cm dilated
Contractions were getting stronger and everytime it came I did my own breathing technique and I didn't know why my mind and body kept telling me that the contractions are bearable. Allah is Great

Next VE at 9 am -7-8cm dilated
The nurse kept asking whether I feel like going to the toilet
This time I didn't get the enema too as I was already progressing at that rate and need to be bound to the hospital bed

10 am: felt the urge to push (note:it felt like waves of current from lower abdomen) and the nurse said I can push
After 3 pushes I was already feeling man this is real pain. The pain is totally out of this world. It feels like someone tearing your whole body apart.

10.20 am: Doc Seri came in and she was asking me how was I and everything in her bubbly way but I just couldn't answer. Sorry Doc!

Then I heard her asking the nurse what pain relief I'm on to which the nurse said nothing. She looked amazed and said "wow, that's really good Nadzirah" (made me feel good for 5 seconds)

Doc ready in her position to receive the baby and they kept cheering me to push until 1 point I actually said "Sakit doc.." and "By..sakit.."
I started to cry. Felt like leaving the baby there. Couldn't push any longer. I grabbed hub's hand throughout the minute. I know I'm hurting him but it's not even close to what I'm suffering down there. I think he teared too though I'm not sure whether it's because seeing me in pain or because I'm hurting him too much

"Come on mommy push..you can do it.."
The only thing that came out from my mouth were Allahuakbar..Subhanallah..I pushed with the remaining energy left..

10.29 am: my baby finally out

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Waiting game

Officially 37 weeks today
And can't sleep
Had "the show" started on last sunday 36 weeks 5 days, during parent in law 36 yrs anniv celeb in Tanah Aina Cafe in Shah Alam
went to pcmc for check up thereafter and was told no strong contractions yet although servix appeared soft already. So we headed back home.
Ok i lied i made hubs drove to Mydotty's in TTDI because i was craving for their pastries  (1 eclair for RM10 fyi baby M)
They were outof croissant donuts so i bought caramel eclairs.yumms. check out Mydotty's instagram

then on monday morning i went to ofc to settle some pending matters accompanied by hubs and suphie
At noon just before having dimsum lunch at IOI Marriott (it was actually mr.husband's craving) more blood show came out-obviously thicker this time- checked with dr.seri and she said need to wait for established regular contractions or signs of amniotic leakage

And just to note here that only with this 3rd pregnancy that i realise that losing the mucus plug aka having the show aka seeing the blood tinged mucus is NOT a sign of imminent labor. It could still mean days away
Entirely different experience when i was in labor last time with Suphie

Maybe I should get myself java chip frappe and just go to ofc tomorrow aye?maybe there are "unfinished business" that baby M wants mommy to settle before he comes out

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Mothercare stroller and car seat for sale RM600 (brand new not preloved ^_^)

For those looking for brand new stroller with car seat perhaps can consider this mothercare stroller.
The story behind it is ada la seorang hamba Allah tu (ok no hiding identity here it's mr.husband) and some of his other friends pesan a friend yg study kat uk masa tu to purchase the stroller untuk jual balik kat malaysia.
In the end diorang takde masa pun nak jual the strollers so dok terperap in our house -__-
So with baby coming soon i would like to clear the store room
Contact me if you are interested peeps!!

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

34 weeks

Had a new motivation from Dr Seri for this week
Do lots of walking to start things going
(Shopping malls yeay)
Baby M is already 2.9kg, 2 weeks bigger and wayy above average
lots of people (including strangers) already commenting my big belly and how "jatuh" it is yadayadayada

See you at 36 sayang 😘